Sunday, September 07, 2008

Marshmallow Murders

I need a break from posting about the election. Time for a silly list. This was conceived and begun by Connor, Jess and myself, and then received other contributions from Mikey, Silvana, and Leah.

Marshmallow Murders

1) Marshmallows down your windpipe
2) Boiled to death in hot fluff
3) The Human S'more
4) Lowered into a vat of liquid marshmallows that cools around you—buried inside giant marshmallow
5) Crushed to death by a GIANT marshmallow
6) Fed marshmallows until your system crashes
7) Pour marshmallow fluff off an overpass to cause a car wreck
8) Stuck in marshmallows far from other food source until you starve to death
9) Surgery replaces vital organs with marshmallows
10) Poisoned marshmallows in Lucky Charms
11) Marshmallow fluff IV drip/deep-vein marshmallow thrombosis
12) Decapitation using a discus-shaped marshmallow
13) Kill someone in a non-marshmallow-related gory way … while dressed as the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man!
14) Fill shoes with marshmallows and throw overboard. Marshmallows will float, so as soon as the thrashing victim tires s/he will be suspended head down in the water
15) A hand grenade in a bag of marshmallows
16) Stuff marshmallows up the nose, Egyptian-style, until brains ooze out the ears
17) Distribute a large quantity of marshmallows about a private golf course. Then leave an empty bag of marshmallows among the belongings of the person you wish to be killed. The resultant frustration of the other ball-seeking golfers will make tyhem pummel the target into a ruddy, bloody pudding.
18) Fly a marshmallow into a crowded building.
19) Use marshmallows to lure carnivorous insects
20) Fluffing and Feathering
21) Give marshmallow to killer baby, then try to take it away
22) Convince Parker Bros. to create a new Clue weapon


At 11:52 PM, Blogger Lawrence said...

i'm not quite sure all of these will work...

At 1:53 PM, Blogger Milligan said...

Your city is annihilated by a stadium-sized marshmallow asteroid exploding as it hits the atmosphere.

Your planet is destroyed when it collides with the Mars-sized Marshmallow Planet. (Of which said asteroid was a fragment.)

You are struck in the head by a fossilized marshmallow.

Killer sharks have been trained to go into a frenzy at the scent of marshmallows. Too bad you wanted to go swimming after roasting marshmallows on that camping trip.

Terrorist bioengineer creates bacteria that digest all organic matter, excrete marshmallow fluff.

Night of the Living Marshmallows.

At 9:31 PM, Blogger Ammegg said...

While all excellent concepts, a lot of those are "marshmallow deaths" or "marshmallow disasters" rather than "marshmallow murders." We are talking about deliberate, premeditated, violent use of marshmallows in which "you" are the perpetrator rather than the victim. :>D

That said, the last three rephrased ("create bacteria that digests all organic matter, excretes marshmallow fluff . . .") are pretty murderously rockin'.

At 6:49 AM, Blogger Connor said...

Although I can only imagine that geneticists would induce sharks to go into a feeding frenzy at the taste of marshmallow as a clever murder ploy... the sort of thing you might see on an episode of Monk.

At 11:45 AM, Blogger Crystal said...

Are you surprised that I love this list? My favorites: 9, 10 & especially 13.


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