And Speaking of the Obvious

For those of you who don't know, I have for about twelve years been keeping a small, weird journal of lists known as a Random Multi-Purpose Notebook, or RMPN. The lists vary in length, gravitas, importance, but as a collection tend to provide a fairly accurate reflection of my thoughts and views at a given time. Looking for a specific list the other day, I started being really, really glad I have kept them, for the things I've forgotten until I read them again at least as much as the things it makes me remember. I believe I'm going to occasionally publish weird excerpts from old RMPNs, as they relate to something else I've written about.

In this case, I want to provide a list that Connor, ?! and I made a couple of years ago, in six-month anticipation of the release of Snakes on a Plane. We spent part of an evening divesting existing movie titles of all subtlety. Below are the original titles and their döppelgangers in a Snakes on a Plane world.

Armageddon: Giant Rock Hits Earth
Air Force One: Harrison Ford=President
Jurassic Park: Dinosaurs Eating People
The Passion of the Christ: Man Gets Nailed
Titanic: Big Broken Ship, or, That Iceberg Movie
King Kong: Gorilla on Empire State Building
Outbreak: Monkey Bites Dude
Star Wars Episodes IV, V & VI: Light Sabre Fights
Adventures in Babysitting: Child on Vagina Building
The Sum of All Fears: Nuclear Bomb Plays Football
Rush Hour: A Cop and a Ninja
Pirates of the Caribbean I: Waifish Pirate v. Zombie Pirate
Flowers for Algernon: A Man and His Rat
Speed: The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down*
Lord of the Rings: Little Guy Destroys Jewelry
There's Something About Mary: Stupid People Do Stupid Shit
Terminator II: Robots Fight Robots
It's a Wonderful Life: Guy Doesn't Jump

*Fine, we took this one from The Simpsons.